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Memories and more

Posted by: Phat Mama, 14-Jun-2010

My dad passed away today, at just after 7pm. The voice at the end of the line informing me the news was visibly shaken but calm. It was past 8pm when I received the call on my handphone.

Dad had been living in another state for the past few years. He had to be there because the specialist treating him for his ailment is based there. Mum lives in another state. While dad lived a six-hour drive away from me, Mum lives just 45km from Kuala Lumpur where I live.

When my handphone rang and I saw his name flashed on the screen, I took the call in a chirpy voice, thinking: fancy, he’s calling me instead of me calling him. I felt a little strange too because much earlier in the day I was going through my collection of photographs of Dad. I had thought: how dashing he looked.

A woman’s voice responded to my “hello”. I said: this is Dad’s handphone, so who is this?The woman blurted out the news. Although her words sounded distant, they were clear. It was I who couldn’t grasp what she said. My mind was doing things to me. I was caught unawares and for several seconds nothing registered. When the news finally sank in, I managed to get the gist of it all.

He’s gone. My stepfather is gone.

I was the “unofficial” cupid who got Mum and Dad together. They were childhood sweethearts, separated during World War II. My real dad passed away in the early 1980s. I love my real dad too but I have a special bond with Dad.

Dad had been weak and ailing but his death was sudden. No one saw it coming. There were no “signs”.

At one point during the phone conversation I almost shouted to the caller for not having called sooner. I got to the verge of bursting into tears. But I held on. There had been many good moments with him – shopping in the big malls, which he hated, sipping cappuccino at the stylish cafés, which he found ridiculous because he just wanted a “kopi kau kau” and dressing up for me whenever I bought him new clothes.

He loved new clothes. He loved looking stylish. And he said, I always knew what to get him.

I’m sorry my planned trip to see you a month ago was
cancelled Dad. I was just too ill. I’m sorry I didn’t call lately. I was just too ill. I’m sorry I hadn’t bought you any new clothes to add to your collection. I was just too ill.  

I know you knew you were leaving. You knew I knew you were leaving. Words cannot explain anything sometimes. Just thoughts. My thoughts will explain everything. You are my Dad. Always.


Comments
  • Cheer Up! No matter what - Your Dad will know how your truly feels~

  • Thanks Cherry.. Yes, I believe he knows.

  • i hope u r fine :) ur dad will be always be wit u

  • Thanks Pucca ;)